Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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