I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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