Her vagina should come with caution tape.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
