I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
