I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
