we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
