So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
