wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
