What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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