fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
