i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
