Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
