I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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