i already hear my dad disowning me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
