Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
