So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize