My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
