Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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