so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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