I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fuck appropriateness.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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