Rock
Scissors
Fuck
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
