Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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