What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
