My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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