He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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