this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
