oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
