Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My ATM looks so different sober.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
