Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
