Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
