If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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