If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
