Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
