I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
