I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
