i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
