think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
