I want to stick my p in your. b.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
