..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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