looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
