Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
