honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
