JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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