i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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