Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
