mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
