I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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