i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
