come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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