i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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