Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
third nipple confirmed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
