how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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