Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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