Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
