I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
even my farts smell like vagina
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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