There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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