can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize