I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
