sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We had to coat check the pizza.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
