I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
