It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
