i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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