he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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