Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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