new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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