kristin has been a bad kristin
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
