i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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