She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
