I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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