I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
