just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
