you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize